


Hold My Hand

by Misagi



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, merlin has anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 16:05:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3902377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misagi/pseuds/Misagi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin has anxiety, and sometimes needs help from Arthur to do the simple things. Like go outside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold My Hand

Merlin’s hands shook in front of him as he stared down at them. He clasped them tightly to try and hide the obvious tremble. His mouth turned dry and he swallowed almost continuously, the sick feeling in his stomach slowly moving to his throat as his insides clenched painfully. He took deep breaths to try and keep his breathing under control, he couldn’t afford to lose it now. He’d held on so far. He could do this. He wouldn’t give in. He couldn’t. His teeth worried his bottom lip as he began to breathe a little faster through his nose, not trusting himself to open his mouth any further, not with how sick he was beginning to feel. His heart beat an erratic rhythm in his chest that shook his whole body, causing small tremors each time it beat. His vision began to blur and he blinked several times, his eyes starting to sting and water, a single tear escaping and catching just under his eye before falling with a small thud on his jacket sleeve. The sound hardly heard over the ringing in his ears.

  
His almost numb fingers grabbed at his jacket, trying to find something to hold onto. Something solid to keep him grounded when his head began to spin, pressure building behind his eyes. He stumbled a step as he gasped in a breath and fell against the wall, slowly sliding down until he hit the floor, his legs sprawling out in front of him. The unnatural position and pain going unnoticed through the fog in his mind. He reached out and pressed his hands to the floor, his palms sticky with sweat. He was fine. He could do this. He could get back on his feet and go. His legs weakly moved, slowly trying to gather under him to push his body back up. His socked feet slipped a little on the wooden floor and he took a few more deep breaths before pressing further into the wall, as if it would swallow him and take him away. He didn’t care where.

  
He took a few seconds to just sit there, let his body calm down and centre itself. His head still throbbed and his whole body felt exhausted to the bone, but the trembling was going down, his heart was still beating as if to escape from his chest, but his mind was clearing a little. Merlin slowly forced his body to listen to him and managed to haul himself to his feet, he leaned heavily against the wall and let out a long breath before his eyes turned to look in front of him and the feelings threatened to overwhelm him again. He couldn’t do this. He really, really couldn’t do this. Not now. Not ever. He swallowed hard and took a small step away from the wall, not far enough that he was no longer touching it, but just far enough that he felt he could be brave, that maybe he could.

  
He didn’t hear Arthur coming up behind him until the blonde was stood next to him and pulling on his shoes, turning to Merlin with a bright smile that always made Merlin’s heart flutter. “You ready to go?”

  
Merlin forced a smile onto his face, his cheeks feeling tight and the smile entirely false. “Yeah sure.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat before straightening up and reaching for his shoes. “Just give me a second to put my shoes on.” Merlin didn’t want to sit down to put them on, he wasn’t sure he’d have the strength to get up again, so he picked up his daps that were easy to slip on. Merlin straightened and his eyes sought Arthur. His boyfriend was stood by the door, holding it open with one hand and reaching out towards Merlin with the other.

“You can do this, Merlin. I’m with you. I won’t let go of your hand.”

  
Merlin wiped his palms on his jeans and slowly his arm reached out and his hand was clasped in Arthur’s, the man giving it a gentle squeeze. “Thank you.”

  
Arthur’s eyes lit up and he gave his brilliant smile, before slowly walking out the door, pulling Merlin with him. Gently guiding him outside and Merlin’s grip tightened, holding so hard his knuckles turned white. He could do this.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo...yeah...i don't know what this is or why i wrote it or whatever  
> but yeah...there it is  
> literally just wrote it, i read it over a couple of times and i don't think there are any mistakes but if you noticed any please let me know so i can correct it!
> 
> Might write more of this, maybe turn it into a full fic - not sure yet so i'm leaving it as complete for now
> 
> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> ps ~ please let me know what you think of this little fic in the comments and whether it's worth expanding into a whole story or not - i realise this focuses a lot more on just merlin's episode rather than what arthur does to help merlin as such....  
> anyway, please let me know! thanks ^^


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